COURAGE TO CHANGE

Several years ago I was involved in the start up of new 12 step recovery meeting for parents. 

When it was time to come up with a name for our group we unanimously picked, 

 COURAGE TO CHANGE. Over the years, I have thought about how fitting that name was. 

The definition of Recovery is " A return to a normal state of health, mind and strength"

When I began my journey to recovery, I desparately wanted to get better but I had lived in fear for so long that I didn't know any other way to be. I knew I had to do something different and that would require making some big changes. That was frightening. There is comfort in doing the same thing over and over again. The problem with that is, nothing changes, and you stay miserable.  If you want things to change you have to be willing to do things differently.

It takes courage to change. 

I didn't realize it, but it was fear that was holding me back. I had lived my entire life driven by fear. 

Fear of not being enough, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of disappointing my loved ones,

fear that if you knew who I really was, you wouldn't like me. Over the years, I have learned to face my fear. My favorite acryonym for fear is, Face Everything and Recover.  My recovery has not been easy but once I made the decision to face my fears,

 EVERYTHING CHANGED

I have had to do some really hard things, the hardest was lettting my loved ones live their own lives. When I finally accepted that I didn't know what was best for anyone but myself, not only did I expereince freedom, but I allowed them the dignity to live their own lives. The amazing thing is, I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. For me, it's not so much of "A return to a normal state of health, mind and strength,"  as it is an arrival. I have finally arrived at a place in life where I feel free to be myself. It has taken courage to change.

It took courage to put my needs ahead of others. It wasn't easy learning to say NO to things I didn't want to do. It was hard setting boundaries knowing that at times, other people were going to be angry with me. There was freedom in accepting that I am OK just the way I am and  I don't have to recreate myself to  be what someone else wants or needs me to be. There was freedom in accepting that not everyone will like me and that's OK. There is freedom in taking care of myself. What I learned is, on the other side of fear is freedom. When I faced my fears, I discovered I could do hard things. It wasn't always easy, but I didn't fall apart. I faced my fears and I came out the other side a stronger woman. One day at a time, I became the woman I was meant to be.  The other thing is, although I was afraid of losing people, I discovered that  the people who are left standing by my side, were the ones who were always there cheering me on and patiently waiting for me to find my way back to me. 

I am grateful that I understand that each day I have the opportunity to 

(Recover)

Return to a state of health,  mind, and strength