HOPE

 

There was a time I had lost all hope. I was filled with despair. I had given up believing I would ever have serenity in my life. When I found the rooms of Al-Anon I was desperate. I knew what I had been doing was not working. I listened to the messages and was open to suggestions.  I heard, "Let Go and Let God"I was so exhausted from trying to force solutions, that out of desperation, I gave it a try. I turned my loved ones over to God. I told myself that God led me to the rooms of Al-Anon where I found a peace I hadn't felt in a long time.  I knew God loved my son more than I could ever imagine. I believed that he would one day lead him to the rooms of AA. 

I kept coming back week after week, I heard,  "wait for the miracles." I saw them happening for other families, but it was difficult for me to believe that a miracle would happen for me.  Year after year, I watched as my sons' life became more unmanageable. I would get my hopes up when he experienced short periods of sobriety and then he would relapse.  Watching my son suffer was painful, but I knew that all my attempts in the past, to force solutions did not help.  I had to learn patience. I had to accept that Gods timing was not my timing. 

Letting go felt like jumping off a cliff. It was like "walking in a blind alley."  Sobriety did not come quickly. My son used drugs for 14 years before he found long-term recovery. Today I no longer feel lost and confused. Trusting God is easier because I know that during the darkest times of my life, he never left me. Doors have opened not only for me but for my entire family.  I am so grateful that God led me to the rooms of Al-Anon and that my son has his own program of recovery. I am filled with gratitude for those who reached out their hands and guided my son and I both through doors where we could learn to be happy joyous and free.