Mothers Day (click on photo to read post)

 Every year a few days before Mothers Day I have a conversation with myself. 

It goes something like this,

"You are not going to get depressed on Mothers Day." 

"You know your kids love you, and you were a good mom, even if nobody calls you, sends a gift or comes to visit."  

 

I tell myself that my daughter, is a mother now and she should enjoy her day, and not feel like she has to visit me. (Even though secretly I would love to spend the whole day with her).

 

My son, who lives far away, has his own family now. I should just be happy he is doing well. He is sober, married to a wonderful woman, and they are expecting their first baby. I tell myself I will be happy if he calls

                                             

 Then the day arrives, 

 

We put on our Sunday best and head out to church, where they will hand out roses to all the moms and several adoring husbands and children will give talks. 

 

This is when I begin to crack. I mean seriously, who are these women?

"The best moms ever!" 

The moms who never raise their voices, actually know how to help with homework, and never pick their kids up late from school. Best cooks..... and on it goes

 

blah, blah, blah!

  

I feel a little tug at my heart. No, not a tug, more like a pierce. I feel myself giving in to the voices in my head telling me I don't measure up. Each thought, like a dart in my heart. Weakening my resolve. Everything I had promised myself goes right out the window.  I begin comparing. I can't stop myself.   My mind races as I go down the list. I start remembering all the things I didn't do, and begin to focus on what I could have done better. I raised my voice, I made them late for school, I didn't make sure that we all sat down at the dinner table every night. I guilt-trip myself as I sit and listen to the beautiful talks given by loving husbands and adoring children. 

 

This year, after the church service ended and we were walking out the door, I saw my daughter and her family. I stopped to say hello and we embraced. She wished me a Happy Mothers Day and invited us to dinner. I gave her another big hug and held on tight. As she pulled away, she looked into my eyes and said, 
"Are you crying," 
I smiled and hugged her again, a bit disappointed in myself, I said,  

"No, I'm fine, I just hate Mothers Day"

 I don't know why I do this to myself. My children have never forgotten to acknowledge me on Mother's Day.  In fact, every year they give me beautiful cards expressing their love and gratitude. 

There was even one year, that my teenaged daughter was asked to give a Mother's Day talk. I have to admit, I had been a bit worried when she told me she was going to be the speaker on Mother's Day. Those teen years had been rough on our relationship. It had been turbulent and I was not one of her favorite people. When she began speaking I found myself a bit taken back. I thought, "Who is she talking about?" I may have even shed a tear or two that year.  

Now that was a good Mothers Day. 

 Let's be honest, none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes, unfortunately, most of us hide our flaws. The truth is, we probably all have lived under a pile of guilt about our mothering for far too long.   Mothers day is not the day we get the report card that says how well we did as mothers. The Hallmark cards, the church talks, the youtube videos, and Instagram posts are not how we should measure our success as mothers. 

It has taken me years to figure this out, but it's not other people who measure our worth, it's us. I know that I did the best I could with the tools I had and that's enough.

 

The rewards for all our efforts don't come in a card, or a talk they come in small moments woven in and out of a lifetime of motherhood. Success is measured when you see that those babies you raised have become amazing people who will leave an indelible mark on the world. My children survived my imperfections. I am proud of the contributions they make in this world. That is really what matters.  

This Mother's Day I want to honor my children. 

You inspire me. I am so happy I get to be your mother.