Finally she was simply becoming herself

             

                 

                                                          

FAMILY ROLES 

"In an addictive or depressed family system, the disease becomes the organizing principle. The affected person becomes the central figure from which everyone else organizes their behaviors and reactions, usually in what is a slow insidious process. Typically family members do what they can to bring greater consistency, structure, and safety into a family system that is becoming unpredictable, chaotic, or frightening. To do this they often adopt certain roles or a mixture of roles."

                                                                                    Claudia Black

  

I grew up in a home with active alcoholism. I became a placater or a people pleaser. I spent my whole life taking care of my loved ones.   For years, I put other people's needs before my own. I convinced myself that I liked taking care of people and that I was good at it. It's not uncommon for people-pleasers to choose careers in the helping profession. I became a Nurse.  As a new grad I worked 12-hour shifts, in a Pediatric Unit at a fast-paced University Hospital. Wanting to please my supervisors as well as meet the needs of my patients and their families,  I would often work through breaks and skip lunch.   It didn't matter how hard or how fast I worked,  I would still come home feeling like I could have done better. I had dreamed of being a Pediatric Nurse my entire life and now I was finally doing it, and I was miserable. 

 I remember in my early days of recovery I learned that in the airplane safety instructions, we are told to first put our own oxygen mask on before we put our children's mask on. That concept was so foreign to me but could see that I wasn't any good to my patients, or my own family if I was exhausted. One of the first steps I took in caring for myself was finding a job that was better suited for me. I quit my job at the hospital but I continued to work as a nurse part-time doing home visits.

I didn't realize until I started a recovery program that I had been neglecting myself for a long time. In the beginning, I felt selfish putting my needs first. Self-care for me came in baby steps. I started walking every day. reading,  getting massages, and  I went out with friends.   Through the process of prayer, meditation, journaling, and working the steps with a sponsor, I found ME.  Recovery helped me recover (regain possession of MYSELF).  

I am 63 years old and I'm discovering new things about myself every day. Today I am so much more than a wife and mother. I am a writer and an artist. I use to hate being alone. I spent my whole life looking to others to make me happy. I know that I can't look to my loved ones to "make" me happy that's my job. Only when I take the time to care for myself, can I share the best version of me with the people I love.