Some things I learned on my road to recovery

I spent most of my life waiting for the next crisis.

I am not powerless, but for many years I gave my power away. I believed other people were making my life miserable. If they would just stop. If they would only change. If they didn't do this or that. I was convinced my peace depended on someone else's behavior.

What I eventually learned was that no one outside of me was the problem—or the solution. The only person I have the power to change is myself.

I am not a victim. I have choices. I can say no. I can say, "I need some time to think about that." I can pause. I can do nothing. I can choose where I focus my energy and where I allow my thoughts to go.

I cannot lessen my addicted loved one's pain by carrying it inside of me.

Some of these lessons I had to learn over and over again. The truth is, until I finally accepted that I was powerless over my son's drug use, I remained trapped in my own cycle of relapse—letting go, then stepping back in and trying to manage, fix, or manipulate situations. I couldn't accept that there wasn't one more thing I could do or say that might change his behavior.

My life began to change when I realized that I deserved to be happy—and that it was nobody else's responsibility to make that happen. I was not powerless over my own choices. After years in recovery, I finally saw that I had been making decisions every day that kept me from living the life I deserved.

That was my spiritual awakening.

Since then, I have chosen to put the focus back on myself. One day at a time, I reclaimed the life I had given away. I moved to the beach. I embraced my creativity.

Most mornings begin with meditation, uplifting music, reading words of wisdom, and making a gratitude list. Some days start with a walk along the shoreline.

I never thought of myself as an artist. But by definition, an artist is someone who creates work that expresses emotions, experiences, or beauty through a creative medium. So I suppose you could say that I am an artist.

Today, I create. And in creating, I find peace. It keeps me out of my head, grounds me in the present moment, and reminds me that my life is mine to live.

This journey didn't happen overnight, and it wasn't always easy. But it was worth it.

Stay tuned. I'd love to share more about how I found my way back to myself.