You Matter

 Several years ago when my son was in active addiction, I found myself completely obsessed with him. I went through the motion of going to work, or joining friends for lunch, but all I could think about was my son. As I reflect on that time in my life, I can see that I missed so many magical moments because I had no idea how to live in the present. I worried about the future, or dwelled on the past. Desparate to get some relief, I went to a therapist. I will never forget that after I had spent most of the session telling the therapist all about my son, he had the nerve to suggest I begin an excercise program. I decided that clearly, this guy had no experience with addiction or he wouldn't have suggested such a stupid thing. I walked out of that office that day determined to never go back. 

Unfortunately, it took several more years for me to learn what that therapist was trying to tell me. I had completely lost myself. He was simply saying, in order to feel better, I had to learn to take care of me. Thankfully, today I know how to do that.

 For several months now I have been experiencing  chronic pain and it has made it difficult to do the things I want to do. The past few days, I have found myself sinking into a depression. Today, I decided to give myself a day of self care. 

I went to the beach
and simply noticed

a bird playing in the water,

a beautiful hill covered in bright yellow flowers, 

a colorful pile of surfboards

and the warm sun on my face 

I took deep cleansing breaths, as I watched the seagulls fly over me. I found myself laughing outloud as I watched a little girl playing in the water with her daddy. 

In the quiet moments of reflection, I was reminded that I have what I need to take care of myself. I can choose to focus on the pain, or be grateful for the magical moments in my life .